Two Face

Like any other sane woman in her 30s, I do my makeup every morning. Even if I’m just going to the grocery store, I’m not leaving my house without that step done. Ladies, I know you can appreciate that. What people may not realize is that I also do my own makeup on the days cameras are rolling at American Jewelry and Loan. I’m not a diva – I just do that shit myself. Obviously on days when we’re filming, I wear more than I do to the grocery store, due to lighting techniques and camera angles.

So, flash back to a recent day with a camera crew in the store. Like I do every morning, I got dressed – cute black top, dark jeans, lots of diamonds (I’m a jeweler – duh). I blow dried my hair and did my makeup, ready to go for the cameras to roll as soon as I walked into work. On my way to the store, I stopped at Starbucks to grab my latte to go; while I’m sitting in my car in line, I feel something in my eye. It’s horrible. I’m in so much pain and I can feel whatever-it-is just swirling around in there, driving me fucking nuts. So, like every other human on the planet, I start rubbing my eye. And then, I just can’t stop – it’s working its way out, and I just keep going…

I walk into American Jewelry and Loan and apparently, I’m late. Cameras were already rolling and I was “on.” So, I take another sip of my glorious coffee, put it down in my office, and go out on the floor. I then proceed to film for seven straight hours. It was so busy that I didn’t even have time to pee, not once, all freaking day.

I run back to my office, grab my jacket, throw away my sad, half-finished, long-since-cold latte, and finally go to the bathroom before I leave. I scream. MY “FACE” IS HALF ON, HALF OFF. Holy shit, my makeup rubbed off with my crazy “there’s something in my eye” fiasco in the drive-through line. And I had been filming a national television show all day like that. There were dozens of crew members on site, along with my normal staff, and tons of customers. And not a single person told me. I didn’t know whether to be pissed off or embarrassed – so I was both. Regardless, I grabbed all my shit up in my arms and actually ran out of the store to go home.

I was so overwhelmed by the lack of honesty (and the fact that I looked like a raging lunatic all day) that I just sat in my car, banged my head a few times on the steering wheel and just let out a scream. Sometimes you just need it. I turned the car on, feeling much better, and realized I needed to get gas. As I headed to the gas station, it started to rain. Like the freezing rain that really should be snow, but just sucks. I stood there, still looking like Two Face, but worse from screaming and crying in my car for a hot second, in the freezing rain, pumping gas…. And the guy at the pump next to me turns and says, “Ashley??? Oh my gosh I’m a huge fan – could I have your autograph?” Just kill me.

We’ve all been there. Spinach in our teeth. Zipper fly down. Awful panty line. A little too drunk at the company holiday party. A bit desperate in dealing with an ex. Whatever it is, we’ve all been there with something that you’d want to know. So, I remind you – be honest with your family and closest friends. Wouldn’t you want to know if something was embarrassing that you could fix? Of course! Don’t leave someone out to dry – even if that someone seemed to have two faces for the day.

Ashley Gold