Mirror, Mirror

Yes, I was the “fat" girl.

A year and a half later and over 50lbs lighter, I still look in the mirror and see the "old" Ashley looking back at me. What is wrong with me?

I try to blink and look away, but still come back to seeing that obese girl. What? Why? Is it because I've struggled for so long? Is it because I need to embrace the fact that it's something Ashley won't allow anymore? Is it a fear? A fear of going back?

While it's something that I will never allow again, the mirror will show me no different. The size 4 I wear now tells me something else than what I see. I've worked hard and kicked this "fat" girl’s butt every way I possibly could.

I looked at myself for over 160 episodes on Hardcore Pawn staring at an obese girl that I knew had a weight problem. That's the same girl who I think is in that mirror but has changed drastically -- physical and mentally -- since the show. Maybe it's the reruns that I see that remind me of something that I never want to be again? Or perhaps it's the realization that the fat girl in the mirror was yesterday's news.

I did not work this hard for nothing. Get over it Ashley! Time to get a new mirror.