The feeling of failure hit me hard and it sucks.
The 2017 Detroit Free Press/Chemical Bank Half Marathon took place on Sunday. I should have been running it but I wasn't. The whole colitis thing totally did me in. I signed up for the half last January in hopes of perhaps accomplishing the full, yet I could not even do the half. I seriously feel like I failed. It’s probably one of the first things in my life where I set a goal for and did not follow through. I know in my heart that I would not have even finished the first mile without feeling sick. I keep on telling myself that there is always next year. I know there is but it’s the feeling in my gut that’s eating me up. That awful feeling of not accomplishing a goal. Knowing that I was not at the starting line. That rush of starting the race. Even knowing how I felt last year when my legs could not move at the end of the race, it was the adrenaline that kept me pushing along. That’s how my life goes. I push through it all. But, I just couldn’t do it this year. The emails for the race that kept coming through this week. The one with my actual badge number put me over. I felt like tears were forming but I hit DELETE as fast as I could. Then, the next emails came through for the preparation. Then race day came and I wasn’t there. Sucks.
I will get past this and all will be okay. Because it's not about failing, but about knowing my body. For next year, I’ll 100% at the starting line, rain or shine!